If anyone has ever been accused of, well, adultery, it’s probably not a very pleasant subject to breech. But – what if you “cheated” in a completely different manner? Not being with another person, but involving yourself with some “thing” that simply immerses you?
You may know where I’m going with this, swimming comrades.
I’ve been thoughtful enough to compose a letter to all “cheaters” out there – just in case anyone gets into deep water.
Feel free to print this out for future use (I even created a cut line):
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Dear ________________(Spouse, Significant Other, Friend, Companion, etc.),
Well, you FINALLY caught me. I’m having an affair, of sorts. Guilty as charged. You can ask me anything you want about what’s been going on, but to save time and aggravation on your part, here are some FAQs on this situation:
What’s his name?
It’s…well…um…let’s call him “Lane.”
What is his last name?
Lane actually has several last names. There’s Lane One, Lane Two, Or Lane Three – who I’m usually with most of the time, but there’s also Lane Four, Five, Six, and sometimes Lane Seven and Eight.
Is he good-looking?
That’s difficult to determine, really. Lane is a pretty big guy – “he” is 25 yards long and about 8 feet wide. On his bottom, he always wears a black or sometimes navy stripe with a “T” at both of his ends – which I think is pretty sharp to look at. And he wears the color blue quite well.
Now, what makes this Lane character so special to you?
That’s easy. First of all, Lane is always there for me. If I’m late to meet him, well, honestly, he’s like that Richard Marx song, he’s right there waiting for me.
If I’ve had a bad day, I can cry with Lane, yet he won’t even notice. He is non-judgmental through and through. He protects me from others nearby, and doesn’t question my every move. In fact, he is very forgiving of any aches, pains, stresses and strains my middle-aged body dishes out. And, I ask you, what is better than THAT?
(the response may be “Fine, fine fine” or “Whateverrrrrr”)
How long have you known Lane?
My “affair” started when I was quite young. It was actually at The Club just before my teenage years. I kept my passion to myself, yet know it was meant to be for a long time.
Where do we all go from here?
As the saying goes, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ‘em!” So why not meet Lane with me sometime? I can always introduce you to Lane’s next door neighbor too. You can call her “Laney” – and perhaps you may fall for her just like I did with Lane.
Bring your swimsuit and goggles too.
________________ (your name here)